ew, winter // wednesday november 30, 2022 -- 10:19pm

listen, i know it's not technically winter yet but today it was dark and rainy and just cold enough that i saw still cold in my sweatshirt so i'm allowed to be mad about it. at least i can enjoy my nice new theme! nice. cozy. look at it, it's blue.

thanksgiving was good. delicious, unsurprisingly, and i ate so much goddamn potato i thought i was going to die. i even had fun with my one cousin, the middle child; her and her boyfriend were actually nice and funny and talked to me like a person! yay. small victories, i think. we had a couple good laughs, made some good memories. i didn't get any of my schoolwork done over the break but i don't think it's gonna bite me too bad (famous last words). the happy nice chill vibe is gone now because i'm back at school and realizing just how burnt out i am already (that's fine everything's fine it'll definitely go away if i ignore it) and my headphones aren't working right and my friends won't stop fucking taking about pokemon in the group chat but it's ok it's whatever! i have my blue winter blanket and have emotionally checked out so i can just go to sleep when it all gets too much. cool

i can't believe it's already wednesday again, it feels like i only got back yesterday. it's nuts how little school i have left this semester, and how fast it's going to be over. i've been thinking a lot about next semester and what will come after; i plan on drafting a couple emails to professors and seeing if there's any research i could do over the summer while i'm in the city taking classes (since i don't think i can take them at a community college... damn prerequisites!) i also should set up a joint meeting with my advisors... hm. i should figure out what i want to get out of that before trying to set up a zoom meeting between the two most nebulously unhelpful people involved in my academic career.

spotify wrapped came out today and confirmed once again that i'm nuts. it's not my fault i listened to over 140k minutes of music.

i have a presentation tomorrow, which i would be more scared of but it's a group presentation and i only have to speak for ~3 minutes total. i just have two slides so unless i decide to ramble about infrared cameras or something then it'll be no big deal. like i know that i'm going to come apart at the seams before and during since that's how my brain works, but i just have to pretend like i'm a fuckin genius and better than everyone and it'll be over before i realize. maybe i'll go work out in the morning to burn off some energy before i end up going insane and dropping dead in front of the whole class. we don't need a repeat of junior year, thank you very much. anyways. tomorrow is also december 1st, so i need to start buying people christmas gifts even though i am a jobless student. ok. what if i bought myself a cool shirt instead? what if i'm selfish? (i won't be. i just can't think of anything to get people because i'm bad at knowing what people want. maybe i'll just buy people chocolate. everyone likes chocolate, right?)

i can't tell what the vibe is tonight because i'm tired but i feel ok but i'm upset about my headphones but i played minecraft for a little while but i have a lot to do. all over the place, back and forth, up and down, but honestly i think i'm just going to refill my water bottle and get in bed because it's hours past my "stop working it's not worth it" cutoff time (9pm, and only because my brain hates everything after that). yep, i'm getting to the complaining stage. shut up, diesel, you're being annoying on the internet agian.

ever yours in bitchiness,
deez nuts