I could have sworn that this was a 2023 release but I guess I just haven't been paying much attention these past few years, especially not to movie releases. This is a goofy movie, not one that I would really recommend seriously but if you get a good group together and do some vaguely Christmas-themed shots before watching this I bet it would be a riot. I was intetrested when I saw that it's by the John Wick people, but I was left a little disappointed in the fight scenes, or maybe just the pacing of the movie and how it broke up the fight scenes with kind of boring shitty dialogue. If they had cut some of the plot or side characters or whatever that would have been better, I think. Like, give me Santa kicking ass with a sledgehammer for 80 minutes with a sprinking of plot and sweet interaction between him and the little girl, whatever her name was. Don't make it into two hours with plot fluff, it doesn't need to be two hours with plot fluff. I mean the construction of the movie was great, the typical warm Hallmark lighting inside the house where everyone was getting shot at and threatened etc contrasted with the moody blue outdoor scenes, and the camera work and editing and all; really enjoyed those parts. But the pacing felt weird and the film lost its momentum quite a bit when we all had to sit back down and talk about money or whatever for five minutes before the next bloodbath could begin or the plot could advance in a meaningful way.

I think, to be honest, that what I really wanted was something like Happy! (the 2017 TV show, which is one of my favorite shows ever if we're being honest), where there's VIOLENCE and BLOOD and SANTA and KICKING ASS and SAVING THE DAY WHILE ALSO BEING A PIECE OF SHIT. I think I set my expectations too high, maybe, or maybe I set the bar at a reasonable height and this just failed to measure up. That's ok. It still has a lot going for it, which I definitely want to be explored in the (rumored? Confirmed? Fated? It's listed on Letterboxd, at least) sequel. Ancient Nordic Warrior Santa, for instance: give me two hours of THAT. Fuck yeah, that's awesome. And no, I don't want it because a shirtless David Harbour with those sick tattoos made me choke on my own spit. I also think that if they had, IDK, had him and the kid work together more that would have been cool? I'm kind of a sucker for Murderous Bloody Man and the small child he is protecting dynamics, I think they're cute, so maybe I just wanted more of that interaction in some capacity. I don't really know what I would do if I could remake this, story-wise, but maybe that. I know at least I would try to do something about the pacing.

Overall: 5/10, but get me some peppermint vodka and I think we can get that rating way up.

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